“Never idealise others. They will never live upto your expectations.” – Leo Buscagila
That heart warming feeling when someone sends you a text saying… “saw this and thought of you”.
We all have expecations, of those around us. These seem to serve a vital purpose in maintaining our relationships, and ensuring we recieve the respect and boundaries we deserve.
But at what point do these expecations become detrimental? We naturally have these ideas of what our relationships should ‘live upto’. This is sometimes okay. Boundaries need to be set, to ensure a healthy self esteem and emotional protection within relationships.
Here are three ways to ensure healthy boundaries:
- Listen with the intent to understand.
Theres nothing more uncomfortable when faced with someone who is casually glancing at their phone whilst you get something off your chest. Generally, listening should be a no brainer, however truely intaking what your friend is saying is something truely valuable.
2. Accept them, for good or for worse.
Everyone is different, and sometimes we have to accept everyone has different priorities. What you may value within a friendship, they may not. Its just the way it is. Does this mean that you should become a door mat? No. However it does mean you should allow some leeway within priorities. Certain behaviours you may value, they may not. If they are generally a good friend, allow them some slack. Unless their behaviour is something that is truely unacceptable and detrimental wihtin your boundaries, then its time to re-evaluate your relations with this person.
Giving for no self centred reasons, is one of the best skills you can develop. Yes, its a skill. Giving selflessly sometimes requitres patience, resistance and sometimes ignoring your (potentially contradicting) emotions. The ability to do this, in turn gives you emotional karma. Being compassionate and stretching the extra mile to put yourself in another persons shoes, in turn will improve your emotional wellbeing, and theirs too.