The Inside Out

Tomorrow will be a big day for me.

I’m trying something new.

I am always excited to try new things and this time is no different…except I’m pretty afraid. Fasting is something I’ve never done before, and as my husband is very aware, I can be quite moody when I haven’t eaten. When my blood sugar drops, so does my attitude! I’ve been in a church that has all fasted together before, twice actually, but both times I was pregnant and couldn’t fast (I was having trouble gaining enough weight anyway, so both of my doctors said it was a “no go” for me.). This time it’s different. Columbia Church is different. Since signing on for the inception of this awesome new church, we’ve discovered that in so many ways. This special Sunday is one of those ways. We’re going to be taking up our first offering and giving half of it away. Yes, half. It’s called the Miracle Project. And the money is going to some awesome places: the Jubilee Academy in Columbia and Rwanda Clean Water in Africa. A school for needy children and a culture with no clean water. This is huge. So the leadership of the church asked everyone to fast and prepare for the big Sunday. See http://columbiachurchonline.com if you want to know more about this fast, the Miracle Project or Columbia Church. Ok, I thought…I’ll finally get to do it. Jesus did it. Tons of people in the Bible did it. They received clarity, answered prayers, growth through testing and lots of other things, so this is a good thing right? But now it’s the night before we start, and I’m a bit fearful. I don’t want to fail (but I don’t want to pass out either!). I really think I can do this. The hardest part will definitely be resisting the popcorn when we see “The Princess and the Frog” tomorrow. I’m praying tonight for growth and learning through it.

And I’m praying Columbia Church’s big Sunday isn’t just big, but God-sized.

We went to the Ballentine Fall Festival yesterday and the kids had a great time! For a little elementary school to put on such a great evening event was quite inspiring! I love our school!

But there was about 2 and a half minutes that I’d like to elimate from our evening.

There was this big blow up thing that you crawled through and came out the other side. Both Noah and Sarah paid to do it an extra couple times and were really loving it! The last time through as I walked around the giant jumping thingie Sarah never came out. No, I’m serious…I was watching for her.. And she never came out. Noah ran right up to me and I couldn’t see her. Anywhere. I have never felt nerves like that. I mean I’ve been nervous with the shakes before but it literally felt like maybe everyone around me could see my skin and bones shaking like crazy! Horrible things kept gong through my head. It’s amazing how much can go through youre head that quickly. Then I felt like maybe I was gonna throw up. Scott came running around and said “Shes not in there!” I immediately sent Noah through an extra time and he came out yelling “she’s not there mama!” I think I made 12 trips around the whole play area and Scott did too. Still no Sarah. I made myself stand still and study every really short person and search for one wearing a oversize white tshirt. Nothing. I know Noah was starting to feel my fear cause he was looking as hard as I was. He stayed so close to me and kept saying “Look over there, over there?” at this point I felt the tears coming. I felt so alone in a group of hundreds of people.

Finally, Scott came around the corner with her from way further away than I would have ever imagined her going. She was so upset and shaking, though not as hard as me! And she reached for me. She needed comfort and love and to know she was safe. She was just standing on a curb crying, feeling all alone like I had. Poor thing. I can’t believe no one asked her of she was ok! Maybe it wasn’t actually long enough for someone to have asked her, but it sure felt like it was. I saw the same fear in Scotts eyes. All I can figure was that she had come out one of the sides of the jumping thing or something. I still have no idea how she got where she was. But it was way futher than I would have ever seen her going on her own! It can happen way too fast… and I think that was maybe a lesson I needed to learn. My kids are so amazingly good at staying right beside me (most of the time I don’t see them because they are standing too close behind me) and I don’t really mentally adjust to the fact they are getting bigger and more independant and I gotta be ready for that. That fear I felt will be enough to put that on the front of my mind from now on! Heck, I reconstructed the whole thing over and over in my head last night before bed and still can’t figure it out… and I shook just like I did when it was really happening. I shook writing it down for goodness sakes! That I won’t forget.