Finally someone has opened to the door to free speech in church. I’ve been reading Anne Jackson’s blog for years, mostly because of her honesty and her ability to say the things I was thinking. But in this book she breaks it wide open. Allowing people to speak the truth comfortably with each other, even when it’s not pretty or easy to do, is why God wanted us to have relationships while we were here on earth. This connection between people was part of His plan for us and in some ways, we have all walked away from it. The church has gone through a long period of time making it NOT OK to admit our humanity and admit our sin without condemnation by other Christians or fear of judgement. By telling her story she opens the door and gives us the “gift of going second”, and I have a feeling there will be a lot of people ready to talk honestly and truthfully now that she has taken that gigantic, brave first step. I know I will be one of them. Thank you Anne, for going first.

On a side note, this is a beautiful book. I don’t know if it’s even available as an eBook or not but you will want to purchase a physical copy of this one. It’s artistic beauty is as much of a draw as the story that unravels within it. Many people submitted artistic and heartfelt statements about what they felt they couldn’t say in church, and they are not to be missed!

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Dr. Larry Crabb’s book 66 Love Letters was very insightful. It discusses each book of the Bible as a love letter written from God. Each chapter is an honest conversation between God and a person reading the Bible and asking real-life questions. It’s a very upfront book that answers some VERY hard questions, but it is not the easiest read. I like what it’s trying to do but it’s a bit overwhelming taking it in all at once. I’d love to re-read it as a daily devotional, taking more time to really digest each chapter. It was too much for me to process all at once. I think it would be a great addition when you’re studying a certain book of the Bible and want to go deeper in to it.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

Friends

Isn’t it interesting that God surrounds you with the people who have just the right amount of encouragement, without letting you off the hook, when you’re making decisions? It cracks me up sometimes to think that a simple comment from a friend can seem like just a passing thought… until it smacks you in the head just a few hours later. And I mean really smacks. The kind of smack that hurts, till you realize it’s what you most needed, and that God had put that person there at just that moment because you needed them. God does love us so.

Music

God seems to have quite a handle on my playlist. I can go into a playlist with the intent on being as down on myself, woe is me, depressed, doubtful and questioning as one person can be…and He hits the shuffle. Really God, using an iPod??…that’s cool even for you. After that first leave-me-in-this-ditch song that I chose, God seems to find a way to put just the right song on there that I needed to hear. One that reminds me who I am in Him. One that reminds me who He is. One that says He’s right there and not about to let me down. Music is good for the soul.

Words

I am not overly regular with my daily devotionals. Which is a bummer. ‘Cause God’s got a plan in them and sometimes I miss out. But I’m never more than a few days behind and sometimes catch up is seriously effective too. So since we were out of town this weekend I decided to play catch up in the car on the way home today. And once again, God was ready. Here I spend day in and day out stressing about not having any peace about things and feeling up in the air on some stuff and worrying like crazy and every one of those days in my devotional was aimed at just those things. “Jesus Calling” Missed Day 1: “When things seem to be going all wrong, stop and affirm your trust in Me…leave them in My capable hands. Then simply do the next thing. Stay in touch with Me through thankful, trusting prayers…” Ok God, ya got my attention. I’m listening. “Jesus Calling” Missed Day 2: “Understanding will never bring you Peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding…” Oh geez, SMACK. And to think I was supposed to hear that yesterday. Uggh. Then it goes on to talk about how humans have this ingrained pattern of trying to understand and figure out our problems and “gain a sense of mastery over our lives” by solving them. Then the world just lays another big issue on us and we are off on a vicious cycle again. Always searching for understanding instead of seeking Him. If I’d just go to Him with these things, He’d handle them and let me go on about my business at Peace with Him and with myself.

Understanding is overrated.

Peace is not a goal, its a gift. And I’m going to go bask in it.

Take that in…is there stuff in my head, that I firmly believe, that isn’t true?

Yeah…there is! And how much of it am I listening to?

I’ve been trying to be more regular about journaling and really trying to think through that and to be honest, it’s hard. It’s hard to rethink what I’m thinking when there’s no one else hearing it, critiquing it, and talking me through it. And that’s probably the place I need the most work. Depending on others to talk me through stuff. This is the kind of work you have to do yourself cause no one else even knows it’s in there! For me it means more time with God cause He does know what’s in there. The good part is that equals more running! And I’ve come to realize that means getting up early before the rest of my perfect little people get up! And for me, that’s hard too! I love my sleep…but I love time with God more so I’m going to start next week really trying to do better about that! So, any advice here on getting up early would be beautiful (not before 6am…nothing good happens after midnight or before 6am…it’s true.).

How do you listen to God? How do you know what you hear from yourself is right? And how do you mesh all that together?

Sorry for the enormous blogging hiatus …when my training got more intense for the half marathon, somehow my blogging dropped to the back burner! I am going to do my best to do better!

But since we are talking about the half marathon, I learned a couple of things about myself in the process of this training and running. The biggest of those things being this: I am a complete and utter ANTISOCIAL RUNNER. Yes, I should have learned this in the Cooper River Bridge Run when there were 45,000 people there, but it took the Nashville Country Music Half Marathon to prove it to myself. I laughed at the weather forecast that read: “Heavy thunderstorms, severe lightning, LARGE hail and tornadoes.” I wasn’t even that bothered by the 7 hour trip there and back. And I loved the Expo experience (yes, all those people were there too, but they didn’t bother me there!). When I got out on the streets (after a quick potty jaunt to Starbucks…you have no idea how glad I was that it was right beside the start line…thank you Starbucks!!) I thought that at some point the people would spread out. No chance. I felt more like I was trying to get down the football field with an entire football team in my way. I never put my headphones in because I was too afraid I wouldn’t hear someone around me (but the music on course was pretty neat).By the time I hit mile 7 I was just agitated…and I exhaled it in one huge breath when I told Scott to “Shut up” and that “I didn’t want to run with him anymore” and that “he should just go one ahead.” I felt better after I screamed at him, but that was really not very nice. No worries, I apologized at mile 10 and all is good now. Here’s my poor husband who was trying to be supportive and was already running much slower than his pace to stay with me, and I totally attacked him. He knew I wasn’t really upset with him, just uncomfortable and unable to really run.

After the race, I of course felt fantastic and accomplished and all the pumped up adrenaline you can feel after running your first half marathon in a 2:30:16, but that’s when it hit me. My running isn’t about me. My running is my time for worship and communication with God. It’s a time when what goes in my ears is worshipful adoration for a loving Father. And what comes out is my heartfelt gratitude for Him. We solve problems together on my runs. We chat like the buddies that we are. And that is where I can hear Him best…and He’s inspiring and encouraging and I have Him all to myself. And if there are thousands upon thousands of people around (WITH COWBELLS NO LESS!)…that’s going to be seriously hard to do.

I think next time I do a half marathon…yes, I said I was going to do it again…I just need to adjust my mindset about it. I need to go into it with the knowledge that that little bit of time isn’t like my normal runs, it’s about a personal accomplishment I’d like to have off my bucket list. He’s still going to be there, but it’s not going to be one of “our moments”. Like the difference in a concert with my husband, and a quiet dinner just the two of us. Then the real reality hit me when I went out for my first run after the 1/2:

On the next Monday morning,

when I go back out,

just me,

by myself,

God will be there…

and He will tell me how proud He is that I gave it my best.

Before the Truth will come to fill our eyes
The world comes down in the form of fire
And when the answers and the Truth
have cut their ties

Will you still find Me
Will you still see Me
Through smoke, through smoke

I was born in a house in a town just like your own
I was raised to believe in the power of the unknown
‘Cause when the answers and the Truth
take different sides

Will you still find Me
Will you still see Me
Through smoke, through smoke

When their whispers
have painted pictures
that make you doubt what you once believed in
Paper stories
that hide the Glory
to keep us searching
Through smoke

Who do you believe when you can’t get through
When everything you know seems so untrue
When I’m lost in a place that I thought I knew
Give me some way that I might find You…..

Through smoke.

Like I said. What a song. What do you do when you can’t see Him for the smoke? Through the people, through the problems, through the mess of life. When the world comes down in the form of fire…when you feel lost, do you still ache to see Him?

There’e been a lot of talk about treadmill running and outdoor running lately, particularly from Runner’s World. Right when I started running, I remembered the twitter that I recently saw from Cool Running kind of asking the question: What’s the difference to you in a treadmill run vs. outdoors and why you like one or the other. And today I answered that for myself:

PEOPLE.

This isn’t a technical, logical or even scientific answer, but  that is definitely my answer! Now, I’ve been confined to the treadmill for several weeks because of the cold or finding the time to run, so I was starting to really enjoy my ‘mill. I was kickin’ out some decent runs and catching up on episodes of Lost…all was good! But today’s weather was way perfect and drew me outside for my long run! As I got started there was this girl running in front of me, going what I would call “slow” (she was probably flying but she looked like she was slow to me!). And she had next to nothing on. And was covered in tattoos. Now please don’t think I’m judging cause I’m not against tattoos at all! But these were the things that were defining the skinny mini in front of me – and she was challenging me some. So I said ok…I’ll try to pass her. At this point my ipod was blasting a little Addison Road This Could be Our Day and I’m thinking “Yeah, my day…I’m rockin’!” So about a mile or so later I pass her, then I walk and she passes me, then I realize she’s wearing makeup and dangling earrings and I’m even more motivated to top this person I’ve never even met…and I pass her again. She’s probably the nicest, best friend, spreading the love of Jesus to the world and feeding starving people girl around…but today she was my nemesis. Then Man-who-Runs-So-Fast-I-Look-Like-I’m-Standing-Still passes me. Ugh. So, Riverfront ends at the clever little dam that creates a beautiful waterfall and since I’m ahead of Girl-Who-Runs-With-Tats. All is good. I ran the little bridge at the end and started my turn around to head back and I realize…she turned early. That’s cheating! She didn’t even go to the end of the trail! Oh no she didn’t! And now, we’re running. Christy Nockels is egging me on with Let My Life Light Up and I’m on fire! Fire I tell you! And U2 tells me the Streets Have No Name (I’m secretly wishing it had been Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For to keep me going but I’m just lettin’ it play!). But my perspective gets a little changed. I start noticing the kids and the puppies on the path today, the bikes and the birds. Then I pass Kid-With-Too-Much-Static-in-His-Hair and giggle a bit. Then I see my family and my baby boy who is riding his two wheel bike like the big boy he is, and he’s smiling at me. Huge smile. Yes it’s only mile 4 but I’m feeling much better! After a little family love I follow them out. And I pass the bridge that the homeless people live under. And all their stuff that’s usually there is gone. Perspective change #2. What a silly thing I am to be worrying about some girl when there are people with no homes, no nothing, right next to where I am. And Steve Fee reminds me, Glory to God Forever.

People surround you when you run outside, and they have the ability to effect your run – good or bad, but that’s up to you. So I ran the longest I ever have before today. 6 miles. In an hour and 6 minutes. Not bad for a girl who’s only been training for 2 months! But I owe a thanks to the pretty girl who made me work for it today. Hope you finished well today, Girl-Who-Kept-Me-Going. Thanks.

Monster Jam.

Yes, I did say that out loud.

Once a year we go to the red-neck event that is known as Monster Jam. And we love it. My son and I wear our Grave Digger shirts, our protective ear muffs and we scream at the top of our lungs with all the fans! We love it…I mean L.O.V.E. it! But this year we decided to drive to Charlotte to see the festivities because the trucks coming to Columbia weren’t our favorites. So here we are in a hotel in Charlotte because we had to come up early. And run from the snow.

But what an adventure!

We packed in like 2.5 seconds (and haven’t noticed of we forgot anything yet!), drove in TONS of snow and have had a total blast so far! And yes you can totally have a romantic dinner with your precious children at the table with you. I watched my children stare out the window at the beautiful snow and enjoy the “romantic,” acoustic guitar ambiance with us tonight and I was so impressed. They were perfectly well behaved, enjoyed every minute and were the most amazing children in the world. A Valentine’s dinner can be wonderful if you’re with your favorite people in the world. It was perfect!

I’m so glad we took on this adventure…and the real fun will be tomorrow!

One of the things that seems to keep returning in this study is the effect that other people’s comments have had on our thought closets. The things that other people have put into them. Family members, friends, men..who ever we let say something about us and it have an effect. I can remember in middle school, a friend of mine told me I had ugly toes. Not just ugly,but gross. My toes are a smidgen on the long side…a SMIDGE, but everything about me is lanky so why not expect my toes to be a bit long? My mom actually calls them “toegers.” I was so effected by this that I think at some point I actually started believing it and not wearing open toed shoes or painting my toenails or anything! What’s funny about this is that the night I first ran into Scott, I actually was wearing a pair of pretty sexy sandals…and he noticed. He even mentioned it a few dates later by saying that he thought I had very pretty feet. At the time I actually remember thinking, “Maybe he’s lying about everything.” A few months later he brought it up again and admitted that he was very particular about feet and that mine were the prettiest he’d ever seen (yes, I KNEW he was lying then…cause my toes were hideous!).  After awhile of us dating I actually started wearing sandals again and painting my toes, mostly because I knew he liked it and honestly, I was trying HARD to impress him. But over the years something very interesting happened. I started liking my toes, thinking they actually were kind of pretty. Then Sarah came along and started wanting her nails painted constantly, and I really wanted to do it with her. Last year Scott was awarded a trip to Vegas at the Bellagio, and it was such a fun trip (what a different world that place is!!)! When I had my manicure and pedicure (yes, my first one EVER), the lady said, “I’ve seen some ugly feet, and yours are beautiful.” She mighta’ been smoozen me, but she also knew that it wasn’t me paying her, it was Scott’s company so I’m thinking she was being honest. But that was the confirming moment…I finally believed my feet were beautiful. Isn’t it funny that it took one 2 minute comment about 15 years to be refuted?

The best part of this is that what Jesus does to our whole lives is that exact thing. He takes what looks like a messy vine infested garden and helps us view us for what it really is: His beautiful creation, made just like he intended it to be! Thank you Jesus!