The Inside Out

The Romans scripture that I keep on the top of my blog is pretty much MY scripture. It’s the scripture that hits me the hardest. It’s the scripture that I’ve read so many times and has effected me in a so many different ways. It’s the one I go back to for strength, a safe place for me run to, and few simple words that can give me a feeling of pure joy that return whenever I see it. I know my heart palpitations make this statement not as impactful, but my heart tends to flutter just a little extra when I read those words somewhere. The first time I heard Kristian Stanfill sing the song by the same title, I bawled. Still to this day, he’s the only one who’s supposed to sing it because it had such an effect on me. (Ok… Jarius Williams sang it beautifully this morning at East Lake Church…and Jarius, that’s a big deal!) It’s that thing, in words in a Bible or words of a song, or even the guitar solo starting the song,  that reminds me of how I felt when He came into my life. Do you have one of those? A moment you can sometimes feel again? THAT moment?

But the reason it has such an effect is because of what it’s talking about. The Inside. The world we live in is so focused on the outside. Looks, money, jobs, houses, …all things that are important to us while we’re here, but they don’t matter a bit to God. He certainly wants what’s best for us, but that’s not always what we think it should be. He knows that things that have the greatest effects on our lives are happening on the inside. Our heart and souls and minds are effected. The message translation uses words that make more sense to me: our passions, and prayers, and muscle and intelligence – all effected, all changed, all intensified…on the inside. You can fake it on the outside…a little make-up or new clothes, a new paint job, or a fake smile and all is covered up. But if it’s really happening on the inside, then you can’t hide it. You’re changed. Really changed. And it’s a change only He can do in us. Our human nature prevents us from doing it ourselves or somebody else from doing it for us. That’s why it’s real. You can’t even explain it. Describing it with our words won’t ever do it justice. And if you’ve never experienced it yourself, you just think people who have are ridiculous. (Some of you reading this right now find it quite absurd.) I’ve always been really good at covering up on the outside. Making sure that outward appearances are all tied up in a neat box AND have a pretty bow, are quite easy for me. But letting someone see the inside, the messy stuff, that’s another story. But when God moved in, there was no more hiding, no more pretending I was something I wasn’t, and suddenly it was easy to just be exactly what He made me to be.

So, what’s so important about the inside? It can’t be faked.

And that’s why it will forever be my prayer to be changed, from the inside out.

God always seems to find themes in places I least expect it. Lately there’s been a lot on tolerance coming about. We visited the New Spring Columbia campus last week and Perry Noble talked about it. It just keeps popping up. But the thing that has stuck on me was a couple of paragraphs from Marcus Buckingham’s new book: Find Your Strongest Life (I’m gonna’ post my full review of it on Monday). Here’s what he says:

“How often do we stop paying attention to people because we assume we know them? We see what they’re wearing, how they’re talking, the company they’re keeping, and we draw our conclusions. We finish their story for them. We fill in their blanks. And because we stop asking questions, we never really get to know them. We may come to tolerate them. But tolerance is a cop-out.Tolerance is about distance, keeping things separate and putting up with them. It’s not about listening. it’s not about being inquisitive. Though we may tolerate them, we never come to see the world fully through their eyes. And so we can’t empathize with them. We can’t respect them. We can’t love them. We can’t take a stand for them.”

Whew. Wow. Ok Marcus…what do I do with that confrontation. I know I’ve been on both sides of the tolerance issue. As in, I know I “tolerate” people instead of loving and caring for them. But that also means that I am separating them from my little world. I’m pushing them out of the direct line of sight so I don’t I don’t have to constantly look at someone who bothers me, or offends me, or even disgusts me. When I do this I am shutting down opportunities to see people, and at least try to understand them, and try to reach out like Jesus told us to. I’ve also been on the opposite side of the spectrum. I’ve been where I was being tolerated. Where I was being looked down on… because of my clothes…because of my “appearance” to them. And of course I have never made any effort there either. To be so at ease with my close friends and family I am not one to confront anything…yes, anything! But I also don’t like to even think that someone gets to “finish my story” for me…that’s God’s work and you don’t get to mess with that!! That’s when Mr. Buckingham took it to another level…he made me turn the page to see this:

“And who is the first person who suffers from our tolerance? Who is the first person we make assumptions about, whose circumstances we put up with,whom we keep at a safe distance, whom we struggle to empathize with, to respect, to love, truly? Who is the first person for whom we fail to take a stand? Ourselves.”

What?!? I could be doing this to myself?! Wait, I am doing this to myself. Oh great.

2 paragraphs can sure give you a lot to think about. Tolerance is a cop-out. I have to stop tolerating things about myself and dream…step out on a limb…find a positive when it breaks and I fall on my tush…stop tolerating myself by not loving and respecting myself…and let God do what He’s created us for…let God finish my story and stop doing it for Him.

So tonight didn’t quite go as planned. Actually not a single thinng I had in the plan actually happened. Not one. If you know me at all, I am a list maker and planner type person. And I particularly love to mark thing off my lists and my see my plans go perfectly. Not tonight! We were supposed have our first launch group meeting with a new group tonight ( If you don’t know what I’m talking about go to Columbia Church and see the awesome work Gods about to bring to Columbia. ), but about 30 minutes before everyone was supposed to come Princess Sarah says “Mommy, my throat hurts”… Not good. Fever 101. Not a drop of Tylenol or motrin to be found. And her ear is draining.

Ok. I start on mommy mode. I cancel the other kids that were supposed to play tonight and get the kids settled in front of a movie. Scott can host the group an I’ll scurry to walmart (why did they put that thing so close to my house!), grab up some meds and feel better prizes and be back in time to meet the new group. But only one person came.

As I go out the door I realize that I am FRUMPY!!! Majorly frumpy! And the sky is about to drop right on top of my head with enough water to drown a whale. Fantastic.

I rush into walmart and try to be polite to the two zillion people in that store (and never forget that the 10 most aggrivating people in your nearest vacinity are in walmart…and most likely in line in front of me). Back outside in a flash. Still not raining. Good. As I come around the corner completely frumping on myself, I glance up to see the most beautiful rainbow.

Ok God. I’m focused. Thanks for the reminder. I needed that.

Oh, and I love you too.

[as I pulled out of the walmart parking lot, the bottom dropped out. But I was already in the car! Then Noah called to see if I needed a ride.]