The thoughts in our head…

I finished a book this past weekend that really made me think…no not one I was given to review, but it was the Barnes and Noble free book of the week awhile back so lets pretend I could actually be a book editor or reviewer for Barnes and Noble…it could happen!!! Anyway the awesome book was called Rooms by James L. Rubart. This book sort of stalked me until I bought it. I had already noticed it at Lifeway and was planning to see if it had been released as an eBook (it’s like I have completely stopped reading anything not an ebook yet…). Then like 2 days later it was the free Friday book for the Nook. OK, OK…I’ll read it. One of the descriptions of the book was “Ted Dekker meets The Shack.” Love both of those so I dove in. Without giving away the plot too much there is an awesome story of a man finding out who he really is, and who he really wants to be…and it’s not an easy journey, just like it is for the rest of us. There’s a portion of the book where the guy is talking to himself…except “himself” talks back in an audible way – strange, I know, but it made me think about something: What am I saying to myself, inside my head, that I’m actually listening to…and how much of it isn’t true and isn’t from God?

Take that in…is there stuff in my head, that I firmly believe, that isn’t true?

Yeah…there is! And how much of it am I listening to?

I’ve been trying to be more regular about journaling and really trying to think through that and to be honest, it’s hard. It’s hard to rethink what I’m thinking when there’s no one else hearing it, critiquing it, and talking me through it. And that’s probably the place I need the most work. Depending on others to talk me through stuff. This is the kind of work you have to do yourself cause no one else even knows it’s in there! For me it means more time with God cause He does know what’s in there. The good part is that equals more running! And I’ve come to realize that means getting up early before the rest of my perfect little people get up! And for me, that’s hard too! I love my sleep…but I love time with God more so I’m going to start next week really trying to do better about that! So, any advice here on getting up early would be beautiful (not before 6am…nothing good happens after midnight or before 6am…it’s true.).

How do you listen to God? How do you know what you hear from yourself is right? And how do you mesh all that together?

Posted: June 4th, 2010 under Book Review, Faith, Personal Updates, Running - No Comments. Tags: Faith, James L. Rubart, Journey, Rooms, Thoughts

Indivisible by Kristen Heitzmann

This past weekend I read an awesome book by an author I hadn’t read before (even though she has several books I will be picking up VERY soon) : Indivisible by Kristen Heitzmann. It was a small town story with a great mystery (I figured it out early which made me feel very clever!!) and a love story that made it really hard to put down. The best part of this story was the way Kristen describes the characters…each and every one of them became people you really felt like you knew, and really cared about, and that you wanted a very big “happily-ever-after” for the end. Watching them battle with their past and with faith, made a real connection for me with them. I felt like part of the story in the little mountain town that she describes to perfection. It’s a hard plot to describe without giving away the ending, but it’s well worth picking up! It was an excellent read and I tore through it… and then immediately went looking for more of her books like it! It is available as an eBook which is delightful for me and my precious Nook!! You can download the first two chapters here: http://j.mp/cmf2YR and check it out if you’d like! This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Posted: May 15th, 2010 under Uncategorized - 1 Comment.

The Antisocial Runner

Sorry for the enormous blogging hiatus …when my training got more intense for the half marathon, somehow my blogging dropped to the back burner! I am going to do my best to do better!

But since we are talking about the half marathon, I learned a couple of things about myself in the process of this training and running. The biggest of those things being this: I am a complete and utter ANTISOCIAL RUNNER. Yes, I should have learned this in the Cooper River Bridge Run when there were 45,000 people there, but it took the Nashville Country Music Half Marathon to prove it to myself. I laughed at the weather forecast that read: “Heavy thunderstorms, severe lightning, LARGE hail and tornadoes.” I wasn’t even that bothered by the 7 hour trip there and back. And I loved the Expo experience (yes, all those people were there too, but they didn’t bother me there!). When I got out on the streets (after a quick potty jaunt to Starbucks…you have no idea how glad I was that it was right beside the start line…thank you Starbucks!!) I thought that at some point the people would spread out. No chance. I felt more like I was trying to get down the football field with an entire football team in my way. I never put my headphones in because I was too afraid I wouldn’t hear someone around me (but the music on course was pretty neat).By the time I hit mile 7 I was just agitated…and I exhaled it in one huge breath when I told Scott to “Shut up” and that “I didn’t want to run with him anymore” and that “he should just go one ahead.” I felt better after I screamed at him, but that was really not very nice. No worries, I apologized at mile 10 and all is good now. Here’s my poor husband who was trying to be supportive and was already running much slower than his pace to stay with me, and I totally attacked him. He knew I wasn’t really upset with him, just uncomfortable and unable to really run.

After the race, I of course felt fantastic and accomplished and all the pumped up adrenaline you can feel after running your first half marathon in a 2:30:16, but that’s when it hit me. My running isn’t about me. My running is my time for worship and communication with God. It’s a time when what goes in my ears is worshipful adoration for a loving Father. And what comes out is my heartfelt gratitude for Him. We solve problems together on my runs. We chat like the buddies that we are. And that is where I can hear Him best…and He’s inspiring and encouraging and I have Him all to myself. And if there are thousands upon thousands of people around (WITH COWBELLS NO LESS!)…that’s going to be seriously hard to do.

I think next time I do a half marathon…yes, I said I was going to do it again…I just need to adjust my mindset about it. I need to go into it with the knowledge that that little bit of time isn’t like my normal runs, it’s about a personal accomplishment I’d like to have off my bucket list. He’s still going to be there, but it’s not going to be one of “our moments”. Like the difference in a concert with my husband, and a quiet dinner just the two of us. Then the real reality hit me when I went out for my first run after the 1/2:

On the next Monday morning,

when I go back out,

just me,

by myself,

God will be there…

and He will tell me how proud He is that I gave it my best.

Posted: May 4th, 2010 under Personal Updates, Running - No Comments. Tags: God, Running